


Labels Are Only As Good As Me

by permanentchaos



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, stupid athletes in love, these boys are dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 14:51:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13720014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/permanentchaos/pseuds/permanentchaos
Summary: He's not sure when Aaron became, well Aaron for him. Kevin's not even sure he's allowed to be anything but Aaron. Kevin wants what he wants, if only he could get his brain to cooperate with his heart.





	Labels Are Only As Good As Me

**Author's Note:**

> My extremely late Valentines gift for Catie, I'm so sorry it took me so long, but I hope you enjoy these dumb boys being dumb <3 Happy Valentines!

**His First: The Beginning**

Aaron and Katelyn break up on a Thursday.

There’s nothing particular special about the day in itself, Thanksgiving has just been and gone, the season is going well with the freshman are finally acclimatizing and finding their place within the team. Kevin doesn’t tend to find himself really bothered about the business of his teammates, as long as it’s not affecting the productivity of their game, he has absolutely no reason to worry himself with the drama.

Except Aaron isn’t just anyone and Kevin has never been very good at keeping his mouth shut when it comes to the Minyards.

“You okay?”

Aaron's shoulders are slumped, his eyes vacant and tired. He shrugs, distant and quiet and Kevin doesn’t extend any further conversation with him but kicks the bean bag next to his left, an invitation for Aaron to sit with him. The laptop perched on his knees playing a rerun of an old Trojan match is closed and slid across the floor.

“You want a beer?” His voice his soft and when Aaron turns his attention to him he feels his heart skip.

“Sure.” Aaron steps over him to fall into the beanbag as Kevin gets up to grab them two cans from the fridge. He doesn’t usually drink beer, preferring something a lot stronger, for some reason however this doesn’t feel like the right time. Kevin makes his way back to the lounge, handing Aaron his drink as he settles back into his own seat. Aaron is the first one to break the silence. 

“We-” He can’t seem to finish his sentence, words losing themselves from his mouth. Kevin understands though, he’s been there with Thea himself. There’s been little said between the two that hasn’t ended in cold, stilted conversation over the span of five minutes in the last few months.

“Katelyn?” Kevin asks, although he knows the answer.

“Yeah.” Aaron says, taking a long sip of his beer. 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. We tried. I just, I think it was all too much for her.” Aaron says as he offers Kevin a shrug and swirls the liquid in his can around. Kevin glances over at him, opens his mouth and closes it again. He’s not sure what to say and Aaron doesn’t seem in the mood to have a full conversation about it. Not that Kevin has ever really been interested in Aaron’s relationship, but there’s a thrumming in his veins and a heavy weight in his stomach that makes him question otherwise.

Kevin isn’t gay, at least he doesn’t think he is, and he certainly doesn’t have a problem with anyone who is. It’s just with his career aspirations it’s a lot easier to think and with that be, straight. Which means no second glances at men in the showers or shy smiles and brushes of skin on skin. The list of features Kevin can’t notice are long, and will more than likely include the hard lines of a strong jaw, or the way blonde hair falls lackadaisy in front of hazel eyes.

The thing is, Kevin isn’t blind and he’s certainly not stupid. Kevin knows what the heat in his belly means when someone particularly pleasant to his eye catches his attention, but he refuses to face it. He doesn’t have the strength or bravery that Nicky has or the utter distaste for people that Andrew has to simply not care. People watch Kevin, so Kevin has to watch himself.

The thing  _ is _ , Kevin has  _ noticed _ Aaron, on more than one occasion and that’s not just physically. Kevin notices when Aaron speaks, the tone of his voice, the annotation of his words. He notices each and every expression that crosses he makes, Aaron’s face is becoming a book that Kevin studies religiously, in the secret sanctity of his mind where only he can read. Aaron is harsh and bold, strong and fierce, defiant and willing and everything that Kevin  _ wants _ and it causes that heat in his belly to ache.

Kevin’s pretty sure he still enjoys the sight and idea of women, still misses the feel of Thea’s soft, flowing hair in his hands, the sounds of her sweet breathy moans and her hard thighs around his waist. There is something in Aaron though, that sets an urge in himself that he hasn’t felt in a long time. Kevin and Thea’s time has ended, months ago now and their still paying for the unfortunate way it’s been left.

When Kevin glances back over at Aaron he notices that Aaron's can is now abandoned by his feet and he’s playing with his hands in his lap, picking imaginary dirt from his nails as he frowns into the distance. The sunlight etching through the window catches on his face and Kevin  _ notices _ . It catches the light dusting of freckles over Aaron’s nose and cheeks, catches the sandy blush of his hair that illuminates in Kevin's eyes.

Kevin feels the twitch of his own hands, he doesn’t reach out of course, not like he so sorely wants to. Instead he playfully nudges at Aaron's ankle and if only for a second Aaron's lips twitch in a smile, it makes it all worth it.

~

**His Second: Their First**

Kevin Day is a better actor than people give him credit for. He spends each and every day re-establishing himself from the moment he wakes up right to the moment he falls asleep again. It’s like building himself from new each morning, some days this is more effective than others. There are few who can say they have seen Kevin Day at his lowest, David Wymack is certainly one of them, Andrew Minyard is another, they understand this necessitate need he has to pull himself together like a puzzle after he’s fallen apart. His anxiety swallows him like fire some days and his breath stutters in his chest in an attempt to quell the need to just disappear from it all. Kevin has dreams and wants and ambitions and he will not allow himself to be the victim of his own past so he squashes his trembling self down to the dark recesses of his mind until he’s hidden in the bowls of his dorm or the dark beat of Eden’s. Either way, it will be with a strong drink in hand.

Christmas approaches quickly and Kevin blinks up at the ceiling of Abby’s living room, the sound of slumbering bodies surrounding him. He shifts his position on her couch, punching at the cushions underneath him in an attempt to get comfortable. He’s never had much issue with couches, frequenting both Abby’s and Wymack's numerously, but there’s a humming of energy under skin which means that he’s unable to simply pass out like he usually does. He turns his head and immediately his line of vision gives him the profile of Aaron’s face, slack with sleep. His breathing is slow, breaths coming out in heavy huffs. Kevin watches him, eyes trailing around the features of his face, memorizing as though it’s the first time Kevin has ever seen him.

He jumps when Nicky mumbles in his sleep, turning in his sleeping bag and Kevin tears his gaze away from Aaron's face. He huffs out a breath, hand rubbing across his forehead before he finally gives in and gets up. Kevin squints in the darkness, carefully watching where he’s stepping for fear of treading on either Aaron or Nicky who are camped out on Abby’s living room. Unlike Andrew and Neil, the three of them aren’t lucky enough to have been able to coerce Abby in giving them the spare room and therefore have made do with whatever they can on her carpeted floor.

The tiled flooring in the kitchen is cold as Kevin steps onto it, immediately regretting his decision in not wearing socks. He scrunches his toes and sucks in the hiss that escapes his lips. Kevin doesn’t bother to turn on the light, it would only spread through the doorway into the living room and disturb the others. There’s faint moonlight coming through the kitchen window and enough muscle memory of Abby’s kitchen that Kevin maneuvers his way to the fridge without problem. He grabs out the carton of juice and a glass from the cabinet when he hears a shuffle in the doorway. Aaron stands there rubbing an eye with his fist, hair sticking up in all directions and clothes completely and utterly sleep ruffled.

“What the fuck Kevin?” Kevin ignores him, pouring out juice and taking a long swig from his glass.

“What?” 

“It’s 3am,” Aaron says.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Kevin takes another gulp of juice and eyes Aaron who hums at his reply and meets his gaze steadily.

“You want some?” Kevin holds his drink up and gives it a little shake, orange liquid lapping at the sides. Aaron purses his lips and shakes his head, mumbling a no as Kevin leans back against the counter and watches Aaron over the rim of his glass.

“Go back to sleep Aaron,” Kevin says as Aaron once again rubs tiredly at his eyes. There’s a twist of guilt that ripples through him for waking up Aaron in the first place, he knows that things haven’t been easy for him, especially since the trial.

“Don’t tell me what to do Day.” Aaron crosses the room, pulling out a chair at the island and stubbornly sitting in it, resting his head in his hands. There’s a silence that stretches between the two before he speaks again.

“Katelyn kissed me before vacation.” Kevin startles, lowering his drink slowly. He watches over Aaron's face but he’s not giving anything away.

“I thought you two had broken up,” Kevin points out, tilting his head to the side. Aaron taps a finger along his cheek and glances out the window. 

“So did I.” 

“So?”

“So what?” Aaron looks back at Kevin, quirking an eyebrow in question. Kevin offers him nothing but a half a shrug as he sips at his drink.

“You back together?” He asks and he thinks it’s a valid question. Kevin has no real reason to need to know, to  _ want _ to know, but if he feigned nonchalance and looked away from Aaron as he prys then it’s really no ones business but his own.

“No.” Aaron pauses, hands dropping to the marble surface of the island as he levels Kevin with an intense look. “I didn’t kiss her back.”

Kevin bites his lip. “Why not?”

Aaron leans back in his chair slightly, gripping the edge of the counter as though he’s trying not to fall backwards, he looks like he’s thinking for the right words to answer and Kevin allows him this moment. There’s no reason Kevin is so interested in Aaron’s currently relationship status, except in all actuality there really is and he hates it.

“Just didn’t feel right,” Aaron finally answers, letting go of the counter as he looks back at Kevin. His heart his thumping so heavily in his chest that Kevin thinks, no knows, that Aaron must be able to hear it where he’s sat. Aaron not wanting to kiss Katelyn shouldn’t have draw such a reaction in him, Aaron not wanting to kiss Katelyn doesn’t automatically mean that he wants to kiss  _ Kevin _ .

It’s an unlikely outcome, one Kevin’s knows would be all too stupid to wish for because even if he had the opportunity in his grasp he wouldn’t know what to do with it. He knows what he wants, knows what simmers in his veins and storms through his mind, but there’s a dark shroud that envelops him with doubt. This shouldn’t be difficult but it is, and when Aaron’s sat there, looking like all his answers may just lead to Kevin, Kevin thinks something inside him dies. 

It’s a game that the two play, they stare and stare and stare until the air between them grows stale and tense. Aaron’s breathing a little heavier and Kevin’s palms become clammier by the second that he makes an executive decision to down the rest of his drink and drop glass down on the counter behind him before he drops it on the floor. Aaron stands, chair screeching back as he does and they both freeze. A moment passes where the only sound is their muted breaths, waiting to be broken by unwanted visitors. When the house remains still Aaron chances a quick glance to the living room, he obviously sees what he expects as before Kevin knows it Aaron is crossing the kitchen in quick, measured steps.

Their close enough that Kevin can see the slight tremble in Aaron's frame and he reaches out, trailing a feather light touch down his arm. Kevin’s eyes track each moment, his eyes fixating on Aaron’s lips, breath catching when Aaron’s tongue darts out to wet them.

“I don’t…” His voice breaks, words failing him but Aaron nods anyway, reading Kevin in a way that no one else can. He lets Aaron’s close proximity fill him, overwhelm him.  _ aaronaaronaaronaaron- _

All Kevin can think about is the two of them and this kitchen with no space and harsh breaths and his brain crawls to a stop. They’re both leaning in, so close that Kevin feels the warmth of Aaron's breath on his face and he can’t imagine being anywhere but here right now-

Except he can.

Kevin Day doesn’t kiss guys. Kevin Day doesn’t kiss his male teammates. Kevin Day, son of Kayleigh Day, so called Son-of-Exy, one of the youngest most accomplished Exy players of the current generation...does not sacrifice years worth of work for one fleeting kiss.

Kevin likes to think that maybe in some universe there’s a version of him that gets to have this, gets to have Aaron. In that universe, Kevin and Aaron kiss and they’re happy, but that’s not here and that’s not now.

“I can’t. N-not with you.” It’s the wrong thing to say, Kevin knows that. His chest clenches as Aaron freezes, eyes wide as he pulls back, Kevin feels his loss immediately. Aaron’s eyes are darting around wildly as though he’s questioning each second of the last two minutes, he probably is, Kevin knows he won’t forget it.

“I get it.” Aaron’s voice is forced, tight. His jaw clenches. Relief floods through Kevin’s veins because for a moment he really believes that Aaron understands, that is until Aaron’s face shutters and Kevin’s world trembles when it clear Aaron really  _ doesn’t _ .

He tries to back track, words slipping out like vomit. “Wait. No, I didn’t mean-” Kevin reaches desperately out for Aaron but Aaron is already making taking steady steps back. His fingers grasp around the firm  muscle of Aaron’s arm but the soft fabric of his shirt slips through digits as he wrenches himself out the way. 

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Aaron snarls, holding up a finger in Kevin’s direction, a clear sign that the distance he is creating and isn’t an invitation for Kevin to broach. Kevin opens his mouth to speak and Aaron shakes his head violently.

“ _ Don’t _ .”    
  
Kevin chest constricts at Aaron’s tone, he’s seen this side of Aaron before, caged and fierce, though that anger has never been directed at Kevin before. They stare at each other, a void opening up between them and taking everything they are. A darkness pours out of it and infects the air around them, suffocating. Kevin hates it, he wants to close the world around him until only he and Aaron exist, until he can kiss and smother and hold on until time rewinds and he can’t make that leap to Aaron’s lips. 

Aaron is the first one to move, his lips pulled into a tight line as he turns and moves soundlessly out of the kitchen. Anger rips through Kevin, guilt and tiredness and hate- things he hasn’t felt since just after Riko died. He moves almost unconsciously, arm swinging across the surface of the counter and launching his glass to the ground. It smashes into pieces and he almost finds the release in it breaking settling. It’s not a minutes later when the flick of a switches bathes the kitchen in harsh light and Kevin flinches. Nicky stands in the doorway, breathing heavily, eyes wide. A thumping down the stairs brings Abby, Andrew and Neil.

“Kevin what…?” Kevin glances at them, biting his lip, he thinks Andrews face would cause something to pull, instead it just makes him feel sick.  

“I...knocked my glass off the counter.” He doesn’t say it was an accident, he doesn’t need to he knows they’ll assume otherwise. Andrew narrows his eyes but doesn’t say anything, it’s Abby who reacts first, smiling sweetly at him as she pushes past Nicky taking in the mess on the floor. She pats his shoulder in a comforting manner and sighs. “Don’t worry about it, go back to bed.” 

“No, I got it,” Kevin says as Andrew and Neil turn from the doorway, clearly bored. Abby shakes her head.

“Nope! Go on! Off to bed, all of you.” Kevin catches Nicky's eye just as he’s turning back from the living room. Nicky's frowning and Kevin’s breath hitches for a minute until Nicky's expression morphs into a tired smile.

“C’mon Kev.” Kevin takes one look back at Abby, but she’s already on her hands and knees picking up bits of glass from the floor. He doesn’t look at Nicky as he moves past him and he certainly doesn’t look at Aaron’s slumbering form turned away from him as he falls into the couch.

Sleep doesn’t come easy.  

~

**His Third: His Realisation**

“What happened between you and Aaron?” They’re sat on the couch in the house in Columbia. Aaron, Andrew and Neil left an hour ago on a food run and Nicky didn’t particularly care enough find out where they had gone when Kevin questioned him. Kevin stills, but doesn’t look away from the tv when he speaks.

“Nothing happened.” Kevin says and Nicky is quiet for a moment, unusual for him but Kevin can’t say he minds the silence.

“Is that the problem?” Nicky asks and Kevin’s head shoots up.

“What?”

“C’mon Kevin, I know I’m not the most observant person, but I’m not blind.” Nicky leans forward and grabs the remote from the coffee table, turning right down until it’s nearly muted. Kevin watches as he does, but doesn’t say anything in reply. Nicky rolls his eyes, dropping the remote and slumping back into the sofa.

“You and Aaron are not nearly as subtle as you both seem to think you are.” Kevin flinches because he knows that things haven’t been the same and that’s not just within their group. The upperclassman have slowly been figuring things out too, worming their way inside his head with pointed looks and the not so secret trading of money under tables. He and Aaron haven’t spoken since that night over a month ago, not a word. Kevin lets Neil and Dan focus on team practices and only ever provides his input if it’s immediately necessary or requested. Kevin supposes it’s been a welcome change to everyone else who are more than use to his abrupt attitude when it comes to the Court. It’s almost killed him, but every time he looks over at Aaron the words die in his throat.  

“There’s noth-”   
  
“Christmas vacation, Abby’s. The night you broke the glass. I heard you guys talking in the kitchen.” Nicky interrupts him with a pointed look. Kevin has not once ever thought that Nicky was stupid, or unobservant for that matter, he had just hoped that his hyper focus wouldn’t fall onto Kevin and Aaron at some point. Clearly he was wrong. He opens his mouth but the words he wants to say don’t come out, Nicky takes that for the signal that is to carry on. 

“Well I didn’t hear exactly what was said but, Aaron...he came back with this look on his face. I haven’t seen that look in a long time Kevin and I don’t ever want to see that look again.” Nicky's face is drawn into a tight expression, one Kevin can’t ever remember seeing before.

“I didn’t-” Kevin tries but Nicky merely shakes is head. “Whatever was done, whatever was said, it can be fixed.” Kevin bites his lip, unsure of what to say next. There is a glint of hope that crawls it way through him, a chance at relief from the thing that’s been weighing him down over the last few weeks. Kevin hasn’t told a soul, and he’s pretty sure that Aaron hasn’t either. There’s too much rage and aggression between them to have ever had an outlet.

“We nearly kissed.” Nicky doesn’t look surprised by Kevin's words. He nods as though expectant. “And you didn’t want to?”

“No I did.” Kevin shakes his head, no, no, he definitely  _ wanted _ to. Even now he could feel the slight erratic thump of his heart.

“Aaron didn’t want to then?” Nicky asks. 

“No, I think he did.” Kevin replies absently. He’s pretty sure Aaron wanted it, wanted it as much as he did. He runs through the exchange in his head, reminded by the looks in Aaron's eyes and-

“So you didn’t because…?”

“I couldn’t.” Kevin says and it’s true. It hates the reality of it but it is.

“You couldn’t because what? Because it was Aaron? Was it weird? Or…” Nicky trails off, but the look on Kevin’s face tells him all he needs to know. “Couldn’t because he was a guy?”

“A guy.” Kevin states and Nicky sighs, “Oh Kevin.”

“Don’t. You make it seems to easy. Like I could just flick on a switch and suddenly I’m able to kiss whoever the fuck I want with absolutely no repercussions.” Kevin feels a pang of anger dart through him, because it’s so easy for Nicky, for anyone, to sit and judge him. Like he isn’t capable of decisions or understanding his own feelings himself. They’re somewhat right, Kevin knows, because if that weren’t the case he wouldn’t be sat here, having this conversation with Nicky. He doesn’t need to like it, but the truth is the truth no matter how poisoned. 

“I am the last person who will ever tell you this is easy Kevin. I know more than most it’s not.” Nicky says, his eyes glazed. Kevin knows he’s taking himself back through his own demons, his own hell where life wasn’t that simple. It confuses Kevin sometimes, Nicky’s need to be so open and out, compared to the trauma he survived, he’ll never fully understand but he thinks maybe he should just,  _ accept. _

“Then why?” He asks and Nicky casts him a pitying look.

“One of these days you’ll learn that Exy alone isn’t enough to hold you up. I said the same thing to Neil you know. Exy won’t be forever.” Nicky says and this isn’t new to Kevin, he’s heard this a million times before...from his father, from Thea, hell from  _ Andrew _ . Kevin hates it because he knows on some level they’re right. Exy won’t be forever, it doesn’t matter how much he wants it to, one day he will have to retire completely and yeah, maybe he could coach. It wouldn’t be the same though, being off the court. An Exy court has been his home for so long, the sport has been his reason for living since before he could remember, when that’s all stripped away who will Kevin Day be?

“What and Aaron is?” Kevin says his name so bitterly he almost doesn’t believe he said it at all. Aaron Minyard was never supposed to be anything other than a means to get his brother on to court and now Kevin can’t stop thinking of all the reasons that Aaron is  _ everything _ but the court.  

“I never said that but I dunno, maybe? Who knows. Don’t you think it’s nice to have something or someone to come home to?” Nicky leans back into the couch even further, head sinking into the plush cushions as he looks at the ceiling. Kevin can tell he’s probably thinking about another home, another life, Erik. His own response feels sour on hips lips, but he can’t help it, it’s like word vomit at this point. “I’m not gay.”

Kevin can’t tell if the noise Nicky makes is a broken laugh or a choked off sob, it doesn’t matter anyway, not with the way that Nicky is looking at him right now. “Oh for the love of- it’s not just about being gay Kevin jeeze, there is more to sexuality than just being straight and not-straight, you know that right? You ever consider that maybe you could be bisexual? That liking one guy out of however many girls doesn’t automatically take them off the market.” Kevin clenches his jaw and feels the grinding of his teeth. He hates it, hates that Nicky puts it so plainly, he knows the complications of sexuality, knows that there is more than just a love of one gender or another. Nicky gets it too, Nicky gets the struggles better than anyone, he understands Kevin and Kevin gets to sit there and undermine all of Nicky's struggles in three words.

“Liking Aaron doesn’t make you gay Kev, it just makes you human.” Nicky pauses, “you do like Aaron, right?” Kevin feels so caught off guard by the question he almost stumbles, almost says no as an automatic answer because he’s scared to face the facts. He does like Aaron,  _ a whole fucking lot. _

“Yeah, I mean, I think so,” he says and Nicky tsks at his reply. “You think so or you know so? Because that’s a big difference.”

“I…” Kevin trails, unable to quite finish. He does like Aaron, he really does, but Aaron is the first guy Kevin thinks he’s ever really been that attracted to. Sure he’s looked at other guys before, but never really toyed with the idea of more, except with Aaron. He wonders if what he’s feeling is true, if he’s more enamoured with the idea of Aaron, rather than the reality. Kevin is sure, so so sure, that the possibility that he would one day kiss Aaron or hold his hand or whisper sweet nothings into his ear without fear is something he desperately desires. Nicky’s words make him think from a different perspective and maybe that was what he needed. So wrapped up in the chaos of his own mind that he couldn’t see things from the other side.

“There are plenty of guys out there who are perfectly happy to be experimented with, just don’t make that guy Aaron.” Nicky says, something dark lurking beneath the surface of his eyes.

“I wasn’t planning to.” Kevin replies and he means it, with everything he has in him he means it.

“Good, because don’t tell him I said this but...Aaron’s not as strong as he thinks he is sometimes. Don’t hurt him with this.” There’s something in the way Nicky speaks that makes Kevin frown, he studies Nicky’s face for a minute before realizing exactly what that could mean. 

“Have you spoken to him?” Kevin asks and Nicky gives him a conspiratol wink and mimes zipping his mouth shut. “Just think about what you really want before you do anything. If you want to get drunk and kiss a bunch of guys at Edens then no-one’s stopping you. If you decide what you want is a little more closer to home then we’ll all support you, both of you. Being with Aaron isn’t going to ruin your career Kevin, you’re too good of a player for that to happen. It’s certainly not going to cause reality itself to crumble around you. Have a little faith in people.”

“You got beat up in an alleyway by four guys for being gay and you’re talking to me about faith in people?” Kevin retorts and Nicky waves a hand. 

“True. Then my gay cousin also beat the shit out of those guys soooo...if that isn’t karma at its finest then I don’t know.” Nicky does an over exaggerated shrug as if to say, _ ‘what you gonna do? _ and Kevin shares a small laugh. It’s true, there is a certain irony to the situation that can’t really be ignored. 

The sound of wheels on gravel sounds outside and both Nicky and Kevin turn toward the hallway. “Sounds like they’re back.” Neil and Aaron can be heard arguing and Nicky rolls his eyes. “They’re definitely back.” He pushes himself off the couch with the full intention of going to help the others with the bags, he stops however when Kevin speaks.

“Thanks Nicky.” Nicky shoots him a soft shuffle and ruffles his hair playfully, Kevin who doesn’t appreciate being treated like a child tries to bat his hand away and Nicky laughs.    
  
“Anytime Kev.”

~

**His Fourth: Their Conclusion**

“I’m not Andrew.”

Aaron might have well of slapped him, he probably just should have, it definitely would have hurt less. The words strike him heavy, lightening crashing through his chest.

“I never thought you were.” Of course he never did. People cross Aaron and Andrew all the time, seeing nothing past their appearance. Kevin does though and so does Neil. They see the Minyards for who they are, the broken and pulled apart pieces stuck together with glue. 

“I’m not going to be some replacement for him.” Aaron says, he is standing his ground, fists clenched at his side. The space between them isn’t much, but to Kevin feels like it’s miles long.

“Aaron this isn-” Kevin tries, but Aaron makes a noise in anger. “What, Neil encroached on your territory so you’ve gotta settle for something else?”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Then what?”

“I don’t know!” The two are silent, breathing heavy. Kevin doesn’t know how to fix this, whatever confidence Nicky had given him two weeks ago had fizzled and drained every last part of him. “I don’t know what this is and I don’t know how to explain it. I look at you and I just, want. And this isn’t because I’m settling or because I think you look like Andrew, christ Aaron. You are smart and funny and so fucking stubborn sometimes I want to throttle you,” Aaron snorts at that but Kevin doesn’t care, it’s true and the truth is the only thing that’s going to save Kevin from drowning right now. “I don’t know where things changed, I don’t know when you stopped being Aaron, and started being... _ Aaron _ . Just- you’re important to me and I don’t want to shy away from this because it’s new, or unknown because it’s definitely not unwanted.” Aaron is looking at him like he’s never seen Kevin before and Kevin isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do. There’s too much distance, physically and metaphorically between them, a black abyss that Kevin is too terrified to fall in to in case he doesn’t manage to climb his way out.

“I don’t- I’m not gay.” Aaron says, he swallows and Kevin exhales.  _ He can do this. _ “Neither am I.” The silence that pulls between them is almost painful, it tears and tears until Kevin is sure there is going to be nothing less. This moment is it, if neither of them can bend then their entire friendship will be lost, along with any other hope of anything progressing further.

Aaron is the first one to break.

“You’re important to me too.” Aaron says and Kevin’s eyes widen and he looks over at him in shock. “What?”

“You heard me.” Aaron looks at him with challenging eyes. He’s not going to say it again, he’s daring Kevin to question him otherwise. Kevin feels a burning through his body, heat coursing through his veins, melting him from this inside out and he thinks,  _ yesyesyesyes _ -

He’s crossing the room before he knows what he’s doing, standing so close he can feel the small trembles vibrating off of Aaron. 

“Kiss me.” Kevin says. Aaron doesn’t look at Kevin, instead he’s focused on a point behind him, a far off look in his eyes like he’s deciding what to do. Kevin wants the choice to be easy for Aaron, but he refuses to back down as a way for them both to escape. Kevin closes the small out of distance between them, their chests bumping together as he reaches Aaron's chin and tilts it up so their eyes meet.

“Aaron,” he says, like he’s whispering a prayer. The name rolls off his tongue and slips between his lips so treasured, so adoring, that Aaron shudders. “Kiss me.”

Aaron opens his mouth and then closes it again, words are nothing. He bites his lip as though he’s unsure and Kevin feels panic flood him. This isn’t working, he was wrong and stupid and he should have asked before getting this close and- Kevin moves to take a step back but stumbles when Aaron grabs at his t shirt, right at the chest, holding him in place.

“Shut up.” he says, then he’s kissing him.

Aaron's lips are soft against his, warm and hesitant. It’s nothing more than a press of lips and Kevin feels his eyes slipping closed just as Aaron pulls a way. He makes a noise of discontentment and surges forward, pressing his lips back against Aaron's. It’s different, from kissing Thea he thinks. Thea was safety and familiarity but Aaron, Aaron is being  _ known _ . Aaron is fear and excitement and  _ Kevin _ . Not Kevin Day the exy star, but just plain old Kevin who loves reading history books and watching documentaries and forgets to comb his hair some mornings. Kevin who loves coffee and alcohol but never together, whose guilty pleasure is marshmallows and who loves driving at night. He thinks  _ finally _ and  _ I’m here _ .

Aaron is a home Kevin’s never thought he had, thought he needed and he never wants to let him go.


End file.
